It is strange, when I woke up this morning, my first thought was, "I hurt." Initially, I couldn't remember why. Then it came back --- my heart was broken yesterday. The night of sleep, though deep and long, was not enough to heal the pain; in fact, that pain sat within me through the night, and before I could even try to recall the cause of my pain, it reminded me that I had been hurt.
Yesterday, I learned that it is unlikely I will continue teaching my class next year. When I began, I knew that this was purely a nine-month position, but there was the opportunity to apply to be rehired. I eagerly embraced that opportunity, and I hoped for it with my usual Polly-Anna approach to life.
In general, the absolute knowledge of the rejection is tough. Most importantly, my heart is broken because I have come to love my students, my peers, and myself in this position. I care deeply about my students, and I have been excitedly watching them develop from the brand-new and struggling phase to the beginning-to-fledge phase. I so wanted to coach them through the rest of their time in law school, and I wanted to see them succeed in competitions and in class. I wanted to celebrate those victories with them. I also wanted to continue to be a source of support for my students. I wanted them to know that, whatever happened, they knew they at least had one person in that large brick building who had their backs. While I can and will still support them as best I can, those hopes and dreams of seeing them become 2Ls and then 3Ls and continuing to mold new legal minds every year, those hopes and dreams are all gone.
Today, I hurt.
Yesterday, I learned that it is unlikely I will continue teaching my class next year. When I began, I knew that this was purely a nine-month position, but there was the opportunity to apply to be rehired. I eagerly embraced that opportunity, and I hoped for it with my usual Polly-Anna approach to life.
In general, the absolute knowledge of the rejection is tough. Most importantly, my heart is broken because I have come to love my students, my peers, and myself in this position. I care deeply about my students, and I have been excitedly watching them develop from the brand-new and struggling phase to the beginning-to-fledge phase. I so wanted to coach them through the rest of their time in law school, and I wanted to see them succeed in competitions and in class. I wanted to celebrate those victories with them. I also wanted to continue to be a source of support for my students. I wanted them to know that, whatever happened, they knew they at least had one person in that large brick building who had their backs. While I can and will still support them as best I can, those hopes and dreams of seeing them become 2Ls and then 3Ls and continuing to mold new legal minds every year, those hopes and dreams are all gone.
Today, I hurt.
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